An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
