My room smells like vodka and shame
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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