turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Enjoy the penises
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
