I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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