Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
