Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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