I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think people are normalizing furries
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
