i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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