Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
