I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
