Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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