is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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