Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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