Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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