when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
