literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
