I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
