I hate your face
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
