Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
