My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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