i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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