By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
