apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
