Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize