I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Where is the hickey?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just invented taco cereal.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
