if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
