Please don't use social media to get back at me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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