he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
