I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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