Umm I'm too high to move.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize