my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
