So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
