The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
