Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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