Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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