If that was your dad, he is hot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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