If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
