Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
