i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
