he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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