This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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