I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
