I can tuck mytits in my pants
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
