When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize