I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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