You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
