That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
