ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
