There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's JV to your varsity
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
