I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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