it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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