I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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