Your mouth is God's brothel.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
