ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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