i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
