i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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