Who did Billy Mays play for?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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