if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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