I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
