butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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