Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize