yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
