It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So many bounce houses so little time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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