the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize