i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
