I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize