Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
