We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
