glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
