I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
