she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
