next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
