I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
