I have demons in me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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