Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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