My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Alive.
So much puke
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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