a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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