walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Boobs are out for the taking
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
