dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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