i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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