I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
