she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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