tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
