i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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