Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
