i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my shit smells like andre
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
