Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
