No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
only you would photoshop your dick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
