Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
