Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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