There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
