I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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