im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize