I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
