Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
