I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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