I cockslap morals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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