Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
