Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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