dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
